Guilt With No Redemption

Vermis Cibum

Nightly progression of my forget me nots
Lessons I studied which others forgot.
Things I remember locked in my head,
Debts unforgiven, pleasures sought instead.

Pills taken nightly to lessen the pain
Mostly ineffectual, the memories remain.
Self-inflicted torment, wounds that cut so deep
Bleeding for eternity, causing fitful sleep.

Prayers seeking forgiveness apparently unheard
Soul trapped with memories of harms occurred.
Ironic indifference justice unsatisfied,
Unlocked recollections, repeated visions unanalyzed.

– Clarence Holm

I was sent home without a balloon and a sucker!

If it isn’t on the checklist, turns out doctors and nurses don’t have to listen.

-Clarence Holm, (upset patient who has a blog)

(caution – whining in progress)

My same day surgery was postponed today.

I had gotten to the point of donning a backward pajamas top which left my derriere exposed to all. A passing nurse noticed some bruising on my leg. After a quick examination by my nurse and the surgeon, it was confirmed the risk of infection from all the clotted blood in my legs was too high to continue.

I should have known better, even though I had specifically told two doctors and two nurses during two separate previous appointments that I had fallen and had badly hurt myself, no one thought it was a big deal. Apparently I was just a fat old man complaining again! In fact, after the second appointment, I told people at the office where I work that obviously when you get old no one listens and to just stop whining.

To be fair, the main reason for my hospital visits was for knee pain and possible orthoscopic surgery, however, I did tell both the doctors and the nurses that I had recently fallen and had hurt myself badly. In one of the cases I raised my shirt to show some of the resulting bruises, but no follow-up questions were asked.

What’s next is a few more weeks of pain and painkillers as well as two more weeks of not being able to work because of the distraction caused by throbbing pain.

Do I seem bitter?

During The Fall

Two days before, I had visited an orthopedist who diagnosed multiple tears in the meniscus of my right knee. Promising relief until surgery could be scheduled, a healthy amount of cortisone was injected into my knee. Packaged with some some pain pills, I was sent home to lick my wounds.

In the middle of a restless night, I decided to go to my computer to catch up on some research. Rather than turn on a light I bumped my way down the hall to the study. Unfortunately a plastic tray was left on the floor which allowed my injured leg to glide forward on it, leaving me in an awkward muscle stretching pose.

It was at this moment that this whining senryu occurred to me.

3/30/2015cjh

sliding awareness
ensuing comprehension-
this is gonna hurt

 -Clarence Holm