Pure Science


– Clarence Holm

For the past month I have been trying to get my head around Michio Kaku’s book “Parallel Worlds” published in 2005. It’s been tough sledding as each paragraph read is followed by an equal amount of time exclaiming “Huh?”

The idea of multiple dimensions, traversing black holes and entertaining the notion of time travel excites me. But the sheer immensity of thought needed to capture even a partial picture grounds my feeble imagination. I’m afraid the knowledge of Einstein along with contemporary Astronomers and Physicists will remain out of my grasp.

That being said, I did manage to find an application for quantum physics in today’s world of Facebook and Twitter. While e=mc2 represents relativity, I believe my theorem helps us to identify and categorize jerks in social media.

Let me introduce my “Universal Theory of A-Putz” ©2014 Clarence Holm


And it’s corollary:

(Praise ±(Urge/Talent×Zeal²))/Attention

or simply stated: P³=P²±{U/T×Z²})/(A͚)

First of all I need to set some parameters:

Zeal=Drive and Drive=Zoom ergo Zeal²=ZoomZoom.

Let me explain my thinking. Many individuals approach social media with a limited supply of talent at the urging of a girlfriend or maybe a drunken buddy. While wandering through the cyberworld they realize that there are a lot of these same type of people who share his core belief system. Together they amplify their message, no matter what type of outside influencers (good or bad) try to influence the group.

Sooner or later some of these “Zealants” ©2014 Clarence Holm are divided into groups that cater to that subset and maximize their pomposity.

I can only think of one resolution to this theorem.


This may be relying too heavily on Darwinism, but aren’t we all!

Goldiva’s Flying Dream #2

“Occasionally, when I leave the top of my fish tank open, I find a dried fish on the floor. I had never contemplated the depth of disappointment. Shattered dream!! My oh my, this dream has led this gold fish to her land of mammon. Oh my gosh, can it be that Goldiva is a pseudo salmon.”

Drying fish spread o’er the floor, ghastly horror, feeds my furor.
Erase this sight, try as I might, hopelessly haunted ever more.

– Jack Holm

Goldiva’s Flying Dream #2

– Clarence Holm
While my brother contemplates an end most horrific
With science I speculate a tale more specific.
While fishes can jump, still it seems we pre-propose
The reality of worlds beyond sensory control
Can exist multiple universes where copies repose
Each with an existence, replete with a role.
If Hugh Everett did dream of a life without end
Where outcomes are varied and made of negative matter
If physics is quantum who dares comprehend
In the end Jack discovered his goldfish considerably flatter.