For Sale

The First Annual Fourth Estate Sale!


(Brought to you by a Broken Society)


Due to the consolidation of independent journalism and the high cost of in-depth reporting – The World Wide Net is offering possibly one of the most unique independent writing collection that has ever been assembled… a manipulative publisher’s dream!

The writings of many unbiased writers gathered together to be sold to the highest bidder … many items from written history, including recent reporting from the 1960s, ’70s, ’80s, ’90s, and beyond, all lovingly composed, edited, and published in what was referred to as the free press. Many of the items in this sale have been digitalized for quick resale! Most of these unique stories, editorials, current events, and daily news stories can be professionally repackaged to suit your unique ideology. Don’t miss this opportunity to reshape history without the need to win a bothersome war or partner with an irrational dictator!

Be the first in your neighborhood to rebrand history justifying your own religious or racist viewpoints. By carefully selecting and repackaging bits and pieces of content so your word can become gospel.

Why make history when records can be revised and rewritten? Formally available only to religious zealots and brutal dictators’ current history can be yours.

For more unsourced information contact Zuckerberg Publishing


©2020 cj holm

Dear Clarence*

Q: Dear Sir, you seem wise beyond your years (and waist line). Do you have any words of wisdom to share with a younger reader.
A: It’s true that I have grown over the years and have accumulated many pearls of wisdom. I’d be glad to share a few with you
Before you leap upside down onto a trampoline, make sure it’s right side up.
Don’t throw an angry cat straight up.
When using an acetylene torch, don’t feel the flame to see if it’s really hot.
Don’t chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.
Sell only one of your kidneys.
If you’re on a ball field and someone shouts “Heads up!” don’t do it. Instead cover your head with your arms and duck.
Q: Dear Clarence, my daughter came home from college with a puppy. She explained that her teacher had offered her an “A” in Sociology, if she took a puppy home from her dog’s litter. After my daughter went back to college, I noticed the professor’s puppy was still in my house. Should I be concerned?
A: Dear Spot, In the words of Socrates, “Something is rotten in Thebes”. It appears that you are the victim of the dreaded gambit called “Drop the pooch and run”! Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it, other than buy deodorizer, carpet cleaning solution and chew toys.
Q: Mr. Clarence, I went shopping last week and tried to save some money by going to a “Price Buster” sale. What makes a sale a “Price Buster”? Is that better than a “Huge” sale? If a “Boss Is On Vacation” sale is combined with a “Going Out Of Business” sale, do we risk a recession?
                                      “Savings Are In The Bag” guy
A: Dear Savings, sometimes you need to talk with an expert to sort out an intricate query. For instance, my wife has shown me time after time that she has saved me huge amounts of money by buying items on clearance. For instance, last week she saved me $50.49 on a shirt that was originally priced at $52.99. She bought it for $2.50. All I have to do is lose 75 pounds and it will fit like a glove. This is what it means to have a “Loss Leader”.
Q: Dear Clarence, I  have trouble spreading store-bought frosting, it seems much to thick. What can I do to make it easier to apply?
Baked, but not frosted
A: Dear Baked, When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. Not only is it easier to spread, you get to frost more cakes. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving. 

*Dear Clarence’s advice should be taken with a grain of salt or a dinner roll, depending on your appetite.