sarcasm

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Buffoonery

Selected Haikus Donald Trump Might Have Written

©2018 cj holm

the art of the deal
is built on bluff and bluster
-cheeseburger sizzle

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Locked in plush cabin
soaring on our Airforce One
putt rolls past the cup

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two years this office
golden trash bin overflows
cuckoo – cuckoo

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on the Potomac
well after sunrise in east
two generals quake

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Vladmir offers hand
in so many helpful ways
no collusion

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watching my white house
so many talking heads
two scoops of ice cream

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You might need a lawyer if…

Once in a while good people come up with bad ideas.

You might need a lawyer if… you have a parachute repair company

You might need a lawyer if… you start an alligator petting zoo

You might need a lawyer if… your catering business features Tuna Surprise

You might need a lawyer if… your wife writes an advice column for newlyweds

You might need a lawyer if… you sell teenagers a fuel saving kits containing a siphon hose and a gas can

You might need a lawyer if… you provide trampolines to senior care centers

You might need a lawyer if… you rent barrels to slow circus clowns

You might need a lawyer if… you teach wing walking to people with vertigo

You might need a lawyer if… you supply gas powered margarita blenders to bridal showers

You might need a lawyer if… you deliver anvils for “ACME” Company

You might need a lawyer if… you refurbish and sell stepladders

©2015 – Clarence Holm

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The Blog – With Apologies To All

Once upon a computer whirring, while I typed so, fast and furious,
Over bleak thoughts, a bit too ponderous, bits of knowledge – what a bore!
Then I stopped, and started browsing, my hard drive clunked and started tapping,
With a beat it started rapping, rapping on my study’s door.
“’Tis a simple rhythm,” I muttered, “rapping at my study door—
Only this and nothing more.”

Ah, specifically I remember it was before my late night slumber;
And each separate throbbing measure boomed its smack upon the door.
Eagerly I wished for the silence;—vainly I had sought some guidance
From the cloud to stop this booming—booming for the final Opus—
For a clear and concise posting whom the followers could simply just adore—
Posted here for evermore.

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Incipient Individual Immovable Internal Inspection Icon Presented To Me By Me

SIXi ©  (pronounced  si-kē)

 Dedicated to people with their head stuck up their butt!

SIXi

“I want to thank the Academy of Arts, Sciences and Money for this wonderful award. Well, I’ll just say what’s in my heart: Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump.”

-Mel Brooks

On the occasion of my 100th blog entry, I have decided to present myself with an award! (Being as no one else has seen fit to give me one) I do not do this lightly and to prove it here are the questions I posed to myself as part of my qualification survey.

Why would I do that?

Well, I have completed considerable research on accolades presented to individuals and organizations on an assortment of subjects by a diverse collection of interests and have determined that whatever I say will be just as valid.

But what would be the point?

While reviewing the different types of awards commonly given out, I have concluded that whatever their points once were, they had been lost long, long ago. Therefore I have decided to be blunt and just say I want one to placate my ego.

Can anyone stop me?

No!

Will this help or hurt the environment?

There may be limited damage and will only occur during the acceptance speech. This discharge could cause an increase in global warming due to the release of certain obnoxious gases. This damage could be minimized through the use an effective ventilation system along with an application of deodorant.

What would be the cost?

About $1.49

Will there be sponsors?

In the tradition of all major events there will be no commercial interruptions. Of course there will be continuous subliminal advertising, that might make you take an Aleve and wash it down with a Dew.

Will this be an Annual Award?

Being as I can only write my first 100 posts one time, I think that question is self-answering. However if someone else has their head stuck up the butt just as badly, there could be an exception made

Will there be a speech made?

No, I have nothing to say and probably never have.

Who do you give thanks to?

Oder Eaters (Another subliminal sponsor?)

Actually I would like to give thanks to my mother.

Any other words of wisdom?

I had none to start with.

As I have no other questions, I accept the “SIXi” on behalf of myself

Thanks – Clarence Holm

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Pure Science

Albert-Einstein2

– Clarence Holm

For the past month I have been trying to get my head around Michio Kaku’s book “Parallel Worlds” published in 2005. It’s been tough sledding as each paragraph read is followed by an equal amount of time exclaiming “Huh?”

The idea of multiple dimensions, traversing black holes and entertaining the notion of time travel excites me. But the sheer immensity of thought needed to capture even a partial picture grounds my feeble imagination. I’m afraid the knowledge of Einstein along with contemporary Astronomers and Physicists will remain out of my grasp.

That being said, I did manage to find an application for quantum physics in today’s world of Facebook and Twitter. While e=mc2 represents relativity, I believe my theorem helps us to identify and categorize jerks in social media.

Let me introduce my “Universal Theory of A-Putz” ©2014 Clarence Holm

Pomposity=Praise±{Urge/Talent×Zeal²}

And it’s corollary:

(Praise ±(Urge/Talent×Zeal²))/Attention

or simply stated: P³=P²±{U/T×Z²})/(A͚)

First of all I need to set some parameters:

Zeal=Drive and Drive=Zoom ergo Zeal²=ZoomZoom.

Let me explain my thinking. Many individuals approach social media with a limited supply of talent at the urging of a girlfriend or maybe a drunken buddy. While wandering through the cyberworld they realize that there are a lot of these same type of people who share his core belief system. Together they amplify their message, no matter what type of outside influencers (good or bad) try to influence the group.

Sooner or later some of these “Zealants” ©2014 Clarence Holm are divided into groups that cater to that subset and maximize their pomposity.

I can only think of one resolution to this theorem.

Zealants+Budweiser+ZoomZoom+Tree=RIP

This may be relying too heavily on Darwinism, but aren’t we all!