Dear Santa, North Pole – Top of the World

It’s been many years since I last wrote to you and it occurred to me it would be a good to restart the tradition this year.

First and foremost, I’d like to thank you for the wishes you’ve provided me with over the years. The best of which are my children and family; Mary, my loving wife, who has put up with more of her share of my cantankerous behavior. The children; Kate, already on her own in Chicago, Kristine, preparing for her teaching career at Valley City State University and the two youngest still at home, Kelsey in high school and Emily in junior high school.

I should mention that the three cats you helped place in our home are doing well and have taken over the entire house. Each one has established a territory and defends it to the death when the others stray into their area. The supply of Allerest you included with them was a nice touch and I appreciated the thought. I might suggest that the next time you give three cats to a family; you also include a lifetime supply of lint rollers.

I’d also like to thank you for the things you did not bring me over the years, although I begged for them over and over again! For example, the slingshot was on a number of my lists but, I am sure my neighbors appreciated not having to replace all those windows. Thank you too, for ignoring all my requests to get rid of my little brother, Eugene. Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to him and now with the distance between our homes, I now find myself actually missing him.

Well on to my 2007 Christmas Wish List—

1)      It seems strange that the first thing on my list after all of these years, is peace on earth again! The last time I wrote, I was referring to a small East Asian Country. Now, we have friends and family patrolling in the Middle East. The most important thing I ask for is, please look after all of our loved ones and bring them home quickly and safely.

2)      Now back to my other items: Power Tools – Over the years, you have provided me with a number of gas driven power tools and at the same time my ability to get them started has dropped markedly. It seems only fair that if you do bring me new power tools, please include electric start.

3)      Heating & massage cushions (I still have those old tools.)

4)      Grandchildren — I do not want to put undue pressure on my own older children to get married and produce an heir but, I have to point out, I am not getting any younger.

5)      Finally, I am asking you for help in either putting up the Christmas lights next year or have someone convince our new neighbor that it is way too much work for him to decorate his own house and give up like the rest of us. Either way would be fine with me.

Thanks

Clarence Holm, Delano, MN

P.S.  Of course we will have treats waiting for you by the tree again this year, Santa. I’m sorry about the low fat milk and sugar free cookies, but my doctor has put his foot down. If you are interested, we do have fresh carrots and vegetables in the refrigerator. By the way, I have switched a lot of my light bulbs to “Low-E”. I hope that helps the ice up there!