Regret

by

When Memory Slips Away

Memory

Bits and Pieces

Bits and pieces of a life
Details gone away
A name or place important to me
Just somehow slipped away

Life assisted by written notes,
-A computer database.
Minutia captured in remote,
Adds color to my day.

Fine points in a chapter,
Forgotten before the close.
Thumbing back to start again
Refreshing stubborn facts.

Information grabbed, then held so tight
But somehow slides away.
Creating another empty slot
For pictures of the day.

This is not a call for sympathy,
It’s just plain old basic truths.
My memories grown weaker,
Though I depend on facts.

Over twenty years ago I suffered a paralyzing stroke. I still vividly recall being on the floor unable to move or speak, hearing but unable to respond. Luckily I was one of the first in Minnesota to be administered the stroke fighting drug – tPA (Tissue plasminogen activator) and I mostly recovered with time and therapy.

There were some residual effects, which would hang with me for the rest of my life. Minor irritants, some would say, compared to what might have been, but I learned to adapt and live with them. For other types of brain disorders the results can be much different.

For example, those who are afflicted with Alzheimers there is no miracle shot – yet! Their memory loss for now, is irreparable. I have watched as dear friends memories have faded and it is heartbreaking. The best we can give now is our support and our hope and prayers for a cure.

-Clarence Holm

by

Guilt With No Redemption

Vermis Cibum

Nightly progression of my forget me nots
Lessons I studied which others forgot.
Things I remember locked in my head,
Debts unforgiven, pleasures sought instead.

Pills taken nightly to lessen the pain
Mostly ineffectual, the memories remain.
Self-inflicted torment, wounds that cut so deep
Bleeding for eternity, causing fitful sleep.

Prayers seeking forgiveness apparently unheard
Soul trapped with memories of harms occurred.
Ironic indifference justice unsatisfied,
Unlocked recollections, repeated visions unanalyzed.

– Clarence Holm

by

The Player

– Clarence Holm

It hurts when I remember
What’s lodged so deep inside.
The gates that keep the screams at bay
And lock my soul away

I made the choice so long ago
I’d hoped it‘d be forgotten.
A scene of mine – casual words spoken
Bound by acts and left there as a token.

I dream of yesteryear to come
Allowing me redemption
To change the deeds I’ve left undone
One time before I’m gone.